Marysville, WA

Dear Carol: I just came across a copy of Transvestia and was most pleased to learn that there are publications of this sort. When I was very young I was constantly reminded that I was supposed to have been a girl and how disappointed the family was when I was born a boy. They even made a point of tell- ing me that if I'd been a girl, my name would have been Susan. As a child I would help my mother with the dishes or set the table and my father would comment that someday I would make a man a good wife. I re- gretted that I couldn't grow my hair long and try on dresses to see what kind of a girl I would make. At the age of 8 I can re- member watching my mother getting dressed to go out and apply her makeup. I asked what it felt like to wear lipstick, so she did up my lips. I guess it's not fair to totally blame my mother for my interests as she didn't actively encourage me. After that, for awhile, I would derive great happiness from going into the bathroom and putting lipstick on. I look back now and wonder why my mother never said anything about her lipsticks not being in the places she left them or how they got broken and worn down. Up until I saw Transvestia most of what I had read came from psychology books and books about men who were born in the Victorian era and which had pictures of boys dressed in dresses (which was quite normal for those days). I have also clipped ads for little girl's dresses from the news-pa- pers and paste them on pictures of little boys so that it would appear to be a little boy wear- ing a dress, I particularly enjoy seeing little boys in dresses as I think that I relate to them

as this is what my parents wan- ted for me when I was born. I was so pleased when I turned to page 39 of issue No.101 and saw the picture of the lovely lit- tle flower girl/boy. This represnts a fantasy of mine that dates back to when I was five and attended a cousins wedding. All that I was interested in was the flower girl and while everyone thought that I was being a little ladies man, in truth, all I wanted was to try on her pretty dress. Alas, this was not to be and since then I have contented myself with looking at pictures of other lit- tle boys who were dressed as girls. Susan, Hoboken, N.J.

Dear Carol: I am 44 years of age, a counselor and a crossdres- ser. When I was little, I dressed in my mother's clothes. These times did not occur very often, because I was afraid but I still remember the wonderful feeling of those lovely clothes. Many times over the years, I have purchased clothing, worn it, and then destroyed it out of self- loathing. For a time, I seem to be able to keep my crossdressing desires to a minimum and this has even lasted for several years, at times. In the end, though, I simply cannot resist what is! I keep seeing myself, my second- self, my real self. That is the part of me that I have tried to keep hidden. Perhaps it is simply that I feel it is not OK for men to be soft, cuddly or to use make-up or to wear pretty clothes. The present separation from my wife is to a large de- gree, the result of my sharing my feelings about this need of mine. She, at first, seemed to accept, in principle, what I was saying. However she became distant and now we are separated. I orig- inally thought that I might be gay but I had no desire to sleep with a man. I thought that I

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was a frustrated female imper- sonator but after going to a couple of clubs, found out that I wasn't. When I ran into your publication it seemed like the answer to what I had been look- ing for for all these years. I now know that there are men who are able to have a good relationship with their wives and girlfriends and yet express and share all sides of themselves without the fear and guilt that I have felt over the years. I am writing be- cause as I read your magazine, I felt that you, your readers, and the members of Tri-Ess Sorority were people like me. As I rea- lized this, I also realized that if I did not begin to deal with what I have up to now considered unhealthy behavior, and deal it in a positive manner, then I am in trouble. It is necessary that I express my feelings in a good way with people who un- derstand and who have gone through many of the things that I have experienced. Jeanne Kake, Alaska

DEE DEE MAKES SENSE

Far too many people have be- come hostile to the Tv world because of incorrect understand- ing of the abbreviations used by Tv's when looking for friends and in giving sexual meanings to these abbreviations, it is giving our world a bad name. I thought that by clearing up things I might be helpful in maintaining our high standards. It is always nice to know what foods your friends like and that these abbreviations are only dietary aids. Thus, So, Gr and Fr mean Ground Round and French Fries. B & D means Beans and Dill Pickles, S & M is for a Pizza with Sausage and Mozzarella. Naturally!!

Dee Dee (CT-7-W)